Ten Pathways To Positive Speech And Healing

Excerpted from Gossip: Ten Pathways To Eliminate It From Your Life And Transform Your Soul, by Lori Palatnik with Bob Burg

Gossip may be defined as any form of communication that harms another. It can ruin lives, assassinate reputations, split families, alienate friends and destroy businesses.

On the other hand, a gossip-free environment leads to peaceful lives, healthier relationships, and overall prosperity.

Yes, the gift of speech is a marvelous one, depending upon how it is used. Would you like your words to soothe instead of sting? Heal instead of hurt? And build instead of burn? Following these ten pathways will help:

1. Speak No Evil. Say only positive statements. Let words of kindness be on your tongue. This means to respond instead of react. And, even, to edit your speech before you speak.

2. Hear No Evil. Refuse to listen to gossip, slander and other negative forms of speech. Hint: If avoiding the conversation is impossible, have another topic of "positive" interest you can quickly bring up in order to change the subject.

3. Don't Rationalize Destructive Speech. Excuses like "But it's true" or "I'm only joking" or "I can tell my spouse anything" just don't cut it. Gossip is gossip, anyway you cut it. Besides, the fact that it is true is what qualifies it as gossip. If it were not true, it would be libel or slander.

4. See No Evil. Judge people favorably, the way you would want them to judge you. If you've ever been accused of doing something for which you know you were innocent, then you know how it feels to be misjudged. Remember, if you weren't there, you don't know. And, even if you were, you may have missed what actually happened in context.

5. Beware of Speaking Evil Without Saying An Evil Word. Body language, and even positive speech, can bring tremendous destruction. Yes, telling someone you know takes advantage of others' kindness that a particular person will give you "the shirt off his back," although it seems like positive speech, is not an act of kindness.

6. Be Humble; Avoid Arrogance. These will be your greatest weapons against destructive speech. As Rabbi Noah Weinberg teaches, "Take pleasure in your accomplishments, not pride." This way you recognize the Ultimate Source of your accomplishments. And those who are arrogant are so filled with themselves, there is no room for their Creator in their lives.

7. Beware Of Repeating Information. Loose lips sink ships. Even positive information needs permission before being repeated. Telling someone who's out of a job that your mutual friend, Julie, got a raise, does not constitute proper speech.

8. Honesty Really Is The Best Policy—Most of the Time. Be careful to always tell the truth unless it will hurt others, break your own privacy or publicize your accomplishments. Strive for honesty in everything you do. But if it's between honesty and unnecessarily hurting another's feelings, it's better not to be so truthful. Those who boast about being "brutally honest" are usually more brutal than honest.

9. Learn to Say, "I'm Sorry." Everyone makes mistakes. If you've spoken badly about someone, clear it up immediately. It might be embarrassing, but get it over with quickly. Apologize, ask for forgiveness, and let him or her know it won't happen again.

10. Forgive. If you have been wronged, let it go. Forgive for your sake, if not for theirs. Those who can forgive live healthier, happier, and less stressful lives. Those who say they'll forgive but not forget are actually saying that they'll neither forgive nor forget.

Try this for the next month. The good news is, if you slip up now and then, it only means you are human. Try again. I congratulate you simply for making the effort.

Changin Our Stinkin Thinkin

When Israel left Egypt they were nothing more than a battered band of slaves. They knew nothing in their life except for slavery, oppression and tyranny.

God, through the wilderness experience and the giving of His word, had to change their "Stinkin Thinkin."

Why do you suppose that these people were so quick to say "let's go back to Egypt." "Let's go back to slavery and oppression."

Huh? Wait, they were willing to exchange their glorious freedom for the shackles of slavery? Why? Because they were still thinking like slaves.

God was trying to change them from slaves to sons.

Why do we lack the freedom and power that God desires for us to have. It is because we have been conditioned by the world to think like slaves.

We must realize that God did not call us out of slavery to be His slaves... He called us to be His sons and to possess His authority and His birthright.

We must change our Stinkin Thinkin from thinking like slaves to thinking like SONS...

Gal 4:6-7
6 And because ye are sons, God hath sent forth the Spirit of his Son into your hearts, crying, Abba, Father.
7 Wherefore thou art no more a servant, but a son; and if a son, then an heir of God through Christ.

Moving Forward Despite the Setbacks

In leadership and especially in pastoring, forward is always the direction of choice. Backwards is never the plan. I have never heard someone say "this quarter we are going to decrease sales" or "this year we are going to down size our congregation." However, in leadership as in life, setbacks are inevitable.

How we deal with setbacks will determine whether we are ultimately successful or ultimately a failure. Here are some simple principles for dealing with setbacks:

1. Failure is not Final

2. Many times setbacks are just God's way of showing you a new door or bringing blessing through unconventional means...My Pastor called these "Gifts Wrapped in Less Desirable Packages."

3. Stay True...If Truth get you in a bind Truth will bring you out

4. Do not compromise simply to minimize the setback...it will always cost more than you want to pay and take you farther than you're willing to go.

5. Trust God...All things work together for your good...

6. Trust Wise Counsel...Godly Counsel will always move you in a forward direction

7. Press...Pray...Strive... Don't let setbacks cause you to coast, give up or let down.

Forgetting those things which or behind...I Press toward...

Hang in there... today may feel like 1 step forward and 2 steps back

but tomorrow is a 2 step forward kind of day...

What State Do You Live In?

3 Keys to the State of Contentment

I am from Texas!

I was born and raised in Dallas, Texas…Big D as we like to call it. I am not sure if it’s like this everywhere, but we Texans seem to have a pride in our state that is unrivaled. In fact, in most cases, we are Texans first and Americans second.

I heard a joke that I enjoy telling on occasion… “Did you know that it is rude to ask people where they are from? Why? Because if they are from Texas they will tell you and if not, don’t embarrass them.” Okay… Okay, I know that is corny!

Well, I said that for absolutely no reason because that is not the STATE I am talking about.

The state that I am referring to is more beautiful than any geographic location; more peaceful than any seashore; more joyful than any babbling brook. In this state you will find solace than cannot be found in any mountain getaway.

It is a place simply called Contentment.

The road to Contentment is fraught with obstacles such as ambition, jealousy, and competitiveness.

Many times our flesh will invade this peaceful place and steal us away from contentment. We awaken in the state of Frustration, Anger and Disillusionment. Then, before we know what hit us the moving truck as whisked us away to a terrible place called Bitterness, from where few ever return.

How do we secure our place in this place called Contentment?

The answer to this question is simply stated but not easily accomplished.

1. Seek First the Kingdom

Kingdom mindedness is key to any heavenly “success.” We must realize that we are building THE Kingdom not A kingdom. We must lay aside our own ambitions, dreams and goals for a higher cause. The Kingdom’s cause!

When we spend our time and effort pursuing our own ambition we will continually be frustrated and discontent.

However, when we pursue God and His will, it will lead us to a place of fulfillment.

“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you (Matt 6:33).”

2. Be Faithful to the Task at Hand

Put your hand to the plow that is right in front of you! Stop looking for the “next best thing” to come along. The principle that everyone can quote but few realize the power of it, is…

“thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things:” (Matt 25:21).

If we can stay focused upon the task at hand we will accomplish more and God will reward our faithfulness in due season.

3. Refuse to Compare Your Calling, Your Gifts and Your Position with others

The Bible says that if we compare ourselves with one another we are not wise. Many ministers have fallen in the trap of bitterness by constantly comparing their vineyard to their neighbors’. God called you to where you are for a purpose. Work it, love it, and prosper in it until He opens another door.

“...they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise (2 Cor 10:12).”

We must constantly guard the door of contentment because our flesh is given to discontent. If we are not diligent we will find ourselves outside of its walls wishing we could enter in again.

What state do you live in?

As for me, I desire to live in the state of Contentment!

Phil 4:11
11 Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.

1 Tim 6:6-8
6 But godliness with contentment is great gain.
7 For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out.
8 And having food and raiment let us be therewith content.

Heb 13:5
5 Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

"Daddy, Can I Go Make Some New Friends?"

The other day my children and I were at the park. As I was walking along holding Anna's hand she looked up and asked, "Daddy, can I go make some new friends?"

This simple phrase resonated in my heart. "Making" new friends described the process very well.

Prov 18:24 A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.

There are many people who feel lonely, isolated and alone, simply because they do not realize that friendship is work and close friendships have there costs.

However, the benefits far out way the price.

True Friendship will require us to...

1. Take Risks

We must take the risk of rejection. We must open ourselves up. We must be willing to reveal our weaknesses, failings, and fears.

2. Make an Effort

Close friendships are work. Casual acquaintances may spring up over night but deep friendships have to be cultivated. Phone calls, emails, and trips out of your way must be made to grow and maintain strong friendships.

3. Be Selfless

Selfishness has killed so many budding relationships. Many times we must sacrifice our own desires; our own likes and dislikes; so that a friendship can continue. Selflessness does not mean that you must always give in, but it is the wisdom to know when you should and the meekness to do it.

Good things in life seldom happen by accident. Therefore, deep friendships happen on purpose. "A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly."

As my little Anna does on a daily basis, go out today and "MAKE" a friend.

You will be glad you did.

The Secret to a Good Relationship

When seeking a relationship we are always looking for something to be right. We look for the common ground where we can build a strong relationship. Most of the time we either over look or learn to live with the things that we do not like.

However, when we are looking to get out of a relationship we do the very opposite. We search diligently for the wrong. We focus on the irritating things that we dislike and ignore the common ground.

The Secret to a Good Relationship is to keep our focus on the common ground while continuing to build a consensus on our differences...

An Oddly Beautiful Word...

The word that I write about today is one that may seem out of fashion. Many consider it an embarrassing memory of a by-gone era.

It was popular before political correctness began to creep into our pulpits. It was a staple in the diet of prayerful churches before sensitivity training was en vogue. It existed before the term "seeker sensitive" was contrived by weak minded and cowardly so-called "preachers."

The beauty of this word lay in the fact that it was not just a word, but a response. It was an atmosphere that permeated our services. It gripped our hearts as the powerful Word of God was preached by prayerful Godly men.

The word? Conviction...

I know...I know...there is no beauty in that word, you say.

However, I beg to differ. There is nothing more beautiful than when the Word of God goes forth in power and the hearers submit to the message in repentance and obedience.

What happened? Is conviction dead?

No... However, I do believe that in many places it is on life support.

I believe that it has suffered in two critical areas:

1. Weak Delivery

Many preachers have allowed the culture of tolerance and acceptance to move into their consciousness. The voice of those who have "itching ears" have drowned out the voices of the hungry.

2. Insensitivity of the Receiver

Many that hear the Word of God have lost their sensitivity. Our media driven society as desensitized the hearts of people.

Pastor Jesse Williams preached a powerful message in Mississippi almost 10 years ago. It was entitled "The Death of the Most Famous Preacher." His message was about the death of conscience.

How do we revive conviction?

1. It is time for our preachers to pray, fast and commit to delivering the whole Word of God. Let me clarify something, conviction preaching does not and should not have to be mean or angry preaching. In fact, true conviction preaching is a product of love. Conviction is not condemnation!

2. We must cultivate a hunger in our churches for more of God. A hunger and a love for the Word of God. We must allow the oil of the Holy Ghost to soften and heal the calluses that have covered our hearts.

The oddly beautiful word...Conviction!

Rev 3:19-20 19 As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent. 20 Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.